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³»°¡ ÀÌ·¸°í ÀÖ´Ù´Ï...

 

Subtitle: swsub.com (1.00)

 

I've just won four hundred
and fifty grand playing poker!

 

Well done!

 

I saw that one coming, Mickey73!

 

That's my rent sorted this month!
And I can buy that new...

 

Oh, no, I've lost it all again...

 

Philip! Hello, hi.

 

This is Philip, from sixth.

 

This is Moss, this is... Roy.

 

- Hi.
- Hiya.

 

So, what brings you to my lair?

 

Not that I'm some sort of animal!

 

Or... maybe I am...

 

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

 

I was just...

 

wondering if you had...

 

the latest Heat?

 

Yes, yes. There it is.

 

Thanks.

 

Sorry about this.
I don't suppose, maybe...

 

you'd like to come to theatre
tomorrow night, maybe, or...

 

I'd be delighted!

 

- He means me, Moss.
- He was looking at me.

 

No, he wasn't.

 

I think he was!

 

You're not even in his eye line!

 

Philip, who were you talking to?
Me or Jen?

 

- Do you like the theatre?
- Never been!

 

But I've always liked the idea
of the theatre.

 

The smell of the grease,

 

the roar of the paint!

 

I've often thought
if I hadn't ended up in computers,

 

I would've gone into the theatre.

 

But you've never been to see a play?

 

- No.
- Why not?

 

Never had the interest.

 

Are there any famous people in it?

 

It's a pass for me then, thank you.

 

- You haven't been invited anyways.
- Wait...

 

Laura Nightly's in it.

 

Laura Nightly from The Build?

 

She's gorgeous!

 

You know what?
I will come, Philip. Thank you!

 

There's no invitation!
Show me the invitation...

 

I guess you guys could come too
if you wanted.

 

I know people in the show,
tickets won't be a problem.

 

Great! That's settled then.

 

Great! I will give you a call

 

and then give you the details.
How's that?

 

That is perfect in itself, Philip!

 

Thanks for coming down, man!

 

Catch you later!

 

That could have been a date, there...

 

Now, it's...

 

a work outing!

 

Sorry! I forgot the Heat!

 

It's... it's...

 

What?

 

He actually did want
to borrow the copy of Heat.

 

- So?
- Well, it's just... you know...

 

- No, I don't. What?
- I'm just surprised.

 

Why?

 

It's just I don't know
many heterosexual men who read Heat.

 

What? He's gay

 

just because he reads Heat magazine?

 

Well, he's either gay
or a woman in her early twenties.

 

Why else would he ask me out on a date?

 

Are you sure he meant it
as a date "date"?

 

Are you sure you're not going along
as his gal pal?

 

If you're talking about
who I think you're talking about,

 

then the answer is yes, he is gay.

 

How do you know?

 

Everyone knows. And once more,

 

he's been gay, since Wham.

 

We were talking about Philip!

 

He borrowed Heat.

 

He borrowed Heat?

 

And he knows people in the theatre.

 

That's not a euphemism. He actually
does know people in the theatre.

 

Anyway, it's a date. I'm sure it is.

 

Why else would he ask me out?

 

Well, don't take this the wrong way,
but...

 

could he have thought you were a man?

 

- Let's get a taxi.
- It's a ten minute walk.

 

No. I don't like walking.

 

Why do you just not come,
then you wouldn't have to walk anywhere?

 

I won't spoil your romantic evening
with the gay man.

 

He's not a gay man!

 

He reads Heat!

 

Hey, where are you lot off to?

 

Look! Richmond's still alive!

 

We're going to the theatre.
Do you wanna come?

 

No, thanks. And you shouldn't go either.

 

Why not?

 

A new wind is blowing!

 

Last night, I was stood from my slumber
by a crow calling three times.

 

Well, you know what a crow sounds like.

 

Passing to my window,

 

I trod on a piece of Lego.

 

Oh, it went right in the heel!

 

Turning on my television set,

 

I noticed the reception wasn't great.

 

Not terrible, just not great.

 

Hear me well!

 

No good can come of your trip
to the theatre tonight!

 

No good at all!

 

And if you ask me...

 

That's just bloody rude!

 

Where is my Heat?

 

A gay musical,

 

called "Gay".

 

That's quite gay...

 

Gay musical? Aren't all musicals gay?

 

This must be like the gayest musical
ever made!

 

It's got some pretty good reviews!

 

"The story of a young man
trying to find his sexuality

 

"in the uncaring Thatcher years.

 

"Warning. Includes scenes
of graphic homo eroticism."

 

It's set in the 80's!

 

Graphic homo eroticism?

 

Are they gonna get them out?

 

You're not comfortable
with your sexuality?

 

I'm comfortable with my sexuality.

 

I don't wanna be slapped in the face
with their sexuality.

 

Look! There is Philip!

 

Look! He's leching at that lady!

 

Thank God for that!

 

He's just an ordinary ignored man!

 

Hey! You're already here!

 

What are we doing, Roy? This isn't us.

 

It takes place in the past!

 

Forget the play.

 

Philip knows the cast!

 

It's all about the backstage party
afterwards.

 

Those things are great.

 

You go to them telling
they were brilliant

 

and it's free wine all night.

 

Besides, I really wanna meet
Laura Nightly.

 

Hey there, guys!

 

It's great, isn't it?

 

Great. We should really pick up
our tickets.

 

I know someone who gets the tickle!

 

Sorry, I love doing that to him!

 

This is Jerome.
He does publicity for the show.

 

He got us our tickets.

 

Great, thanks.

 

This is Jen, and Moss and Roy.

 

How is it going?

 

My God, you're Irish!

 

I love Irish people!

 

They're just mad, aren't they?
They're just mad!

 

We're all insane, yeah.

 

You'll love this!

 

It's great crack!

 

I'm mad for crack!

 

Quick everyone!
The show's about to start!

 

I hope Laura Nightly isn't gonna be
dressed up like toyer or something.

 

- Who is she in The Build again?
- She plays that heroin addict

 

- who gets stabbed in the face?
- She is lovely.

 

Isn't she lovely?

 

Oh God, here we go.

 

It might be right.

 

How bad can it be?

 

Welcome...

 

to the United...

 

Queendom!

 

Brilliant!

 

United Queendom!

 

He can't say that, can he?

 

Check that asses!

 

I'm a friend of Dorothy!

 

I'm a friend of Dorothy!

 

She is my friend!

 

This is insanely brilliant!

 

Hold my hand.

 

No,

 

that's not my hand!

 

I love willies!

 

Okay, I'm completely satisfied!

 

Don't leave! It's rude!

 

It's too gay for me. I thought
I could handle it, but I can't.

 

There'll be the interval soon.

 

I'm captivated, Roy.

 

Calm down.
At least, it can't get any worse.

 

All right, get them houselights up

 

and let's have a look at you!

 

Are you wearing that shirt for a bet?

 

Audience participation! Go, go!

 

What have we...

 

- here!
- Hello!

 

Tell me! Who wears the trousers
in this relationship?

 

What? Oh, no.

 

We're not homosexuals.

 

We're just very good friends.

 

So, you never had a look?

 

- At what?
- His bob!

 

I've seen it,

 

when he thrusts it in front of my desk,

 

or, should he bend over
to pick something up.

 

I'd love to work in that office...

 

There's nothing sexual going on.

 

I do like Roy, but I'm not "curious".

 

What were you engaging him for?

 

He was asking me questions,
I couldn't just ignore him.

 

It's a bit rude, Roy.

 

So what do you think of it?

 

I think it's fabulous.

 

Every value I've ever held
is being questioned,

 

and I'm loving it.

 

You don't like it, do you?

 

The songs are good.

 

No, they're not!

 

Hum one of the songs.

 

Willies, willies! I like willies!

 

It's "I love willies".

 

- I love willies!
- Sir, could you keep it down?

 

- I'm not going back in there!
- Oh yes, you are!

 

No. I'll wait out here for you,

 

but there's no way
I'm going anywhere near that thing.

 

You can't leave me alone in there.
I don't know what the hell is going on!

 

He's laughing like an idiot
at every single gay reference!

 

- Why didn't he come off for a drink?
- He doesn't wanna miss anything!

 

I need to wee wee.

 

Yeah, me too.

 

- What's wrong?
- They've got a toilet guy.

 

I hate toilet guys!

 

Let's just get over with.

 

Thank you.

 

Cheers, dude.

 

- Did you go?
- No. Did you?

 

No! How could I?

 

Block stood looking at us!

 

What was that?
It's not my fault he works in a toilet!

 

- How much did you give him?
- A pound.

 

I just paid a pound
not to go to the toilet.

 

He's a terrible toilet guy!

 

He should work where people
don't want to go to the toilet.

 

I'll use the disabled.

 

- You can't use the disabled!
- What? Why not?

 

You're not disabled!
You'll get in trouble!

 

It's not like a parking space, Moss.

 

I think. I think it's okay, isn't it?

 

It's okay.
I'm always using the disabled.

 

It's illegal!

 

I don't think so.

 

You all right in there?

 

Do you need help?

 

I'm disabled!

 

He sounds disoriented.

 

Move back

 

- from the door!
- What? No!

 

- What are you doing?
- Don't panic!

 

What... What's happening?

 

Someone's had an accident.

 

Well, you'd better keep going then.

 

My God, what happened?

 

I fell off the toilet.

 

Well, come on. Let's get you upright.

 

Thank you.

 

So, what happened?

 

- I'm disabled.
- How?

 

How what?

 

How are you disabled?

 

Leg disabled.

 

Wait, where's your...
Do you have a wheelchair?

 

Where?

 

Stolen!

 

But how did they get in?

 

I don't know!

 

All right. It's gonna be okay.

 

Let's get you out of here. Come on.

 

Come on. Give me a hand.
There you go.

 

There you go, there you go, mate.

 

All right, you're all right.

 

- Easy, mate.
- Hold him tight that way.

 

Easy.

 

All right. Bring him carefully!

 

Excuse me! This is a staff toilet!

 

I'm staff!

 

I really am feeling much better.

 

You can all go, now.

 

We're not going anywhere
until we've got you sorted out.

 

Here's Paul with the wheelchair.

 

All right. What?

 

I keep one in the office
for emergencies. Let's get you up!

 

Nice and carefully now.
That's it, there we go.

 

There we are, there.

 

Oh, the police!

 

Is everything all right?

 

I'm disabled!

 

- So, someone stole you...
- My wheelchair.

 

I'm disabled.

 

Some lazy bastard just waltzed in there.

 

Can you describe him?

 

- It was all over so quick!
- Just tell me just what you can.

 

Caucasian male...

 

Bearded.

 

Red hair...

 

Glasses.

 

Possibly disguised, I...

 

All right, thank you.

 

Do you need any help getting home?

 

No, I'm fine, I'm with people.

 

Here they are, now!

 

Hey, fellas!

 

- No, I'll take it from here.
- Nonsense. It's the least I can do.

 

Okay...

 

Are you slacking off in there?

 

Go and get changed!

 

Excuse me, sir. Can I have a word?

 

Amazing! Super powerful!

 

Thanks.

 

That...

 

The grit of it!

 

Five stars!

 

So what did you think?

 

- Of the musical?
- Did you not just love it?

 

Well, no,

 

- sorry.
- Why not?

 

I don't know, just...

 

Maybe, you have to be...

 

gay.

 

I loved it!

 

I guess it's more of a gay thing.

 

You know, you have to be gay.

 

A gay man.

 

A homosexual.

 

But all I know is I loved
every last second of it.

 

And I'm not...

 

usually a fan of musicals.

 

Do you want to meet the cast?

 

Come on!

 

The thing is I have to meet
Moss and Roy.

 

Listen, I told the cast
about what happened,

 

and they told me to get you all
to come back and meet them!

 

Come on everybody! Off the van!

 

Hey, James!

 

Wow, Edgar!

 

Hi!

 

Brilliant!

 

Jeremy!

 

How do you know all these... young...

 

good looking men?

 

You know, just from my route.

 

Hey, Jerome!

 

Come here, you!

 

Great show.

 

Hello, darling!

 

Listen, I can't talk at the moment.

 

The disabled are coming for a chat.
Here they are now.

 

He's had quite an evening.

 

Someone stole his wheelchair.

 

Really?

 

Did you see who it was?

 

Red bearded man.

 

How long have you been disabled?

 

- Ten years.
- Ten years!

 

And how did it happen,
if that's not a rude question?

 

Acid.

 

What are the chances
of that happening?

 

A hundred to one.

 

- You're like you could do with a drink.
- Whisky.

 

Please. Double.

 

- Excuse me?
- Yes, miss?

 

Can I have a double whisky, please?

 

Double whisky.

 

And a glass of white wine.

 

A glass of white wine.

 

You're very welcome, madam.

 

- Hello, Laura Nightly.
- How are you?

 

I'm disabled!

 

It must be so difficult
being gay and disabled.

 

Very difficult.

 

Come here, my little soldier.

 

- What's the matter?
- I don't know.

 

- You're from telly!
- I am.

 

And you know, a little birdy told me
that you couldn't make the show tonight.

 

So, I've got you two tickets
for tomorrow.

 

Brilliant!

 

- You're doing so well!
- Yeah.

 

- High five!
- High five!

 

A couple of photos?

 

Is he from a newspaper?

 

- Yes, he's from The Standard.
- Oh, God!

 

What... What's...

 

I get it!

 

Very funny, you Irish!

 

I'm a bit tired!
Can I have a wheelchair too?

 

Hilarious!

 

Me legs don't work!

 

Help, pal! I need a wheelchair!

 

Come on, get out! Come on!

 

Stop buzzing around, all right, Gary?

 

Well, I guess this is good night.

 

For God sake, are you gay?
Are you a gay man?

 

- Are you?
- No!

 

So brilliant, dude! That's...

 

'Cause that's all I wanted to know.
I don't mind,

 

one way or another, you know.
it's just I like...

 

being clear. I don't want any...

 

ambiguity.

 

What on earth made you think I was gay?

 

Well, you know... I didn't just...

 

pull it out of the air.

 

You know, you just brought me
to a gay musical called "Gay",

 

You've been laughing like mad
at every...

 

at every gay reference. Your friends,

 

more of whom are gay,

 

say hello by tickling you!

 

In what century are you living in?
Do you think

 

that a man has to be gay
to like a gay musical?

 

Can a straight man
not have homosexual friends?

 

And since when was tickling gay?

 

I missed that meaning, Jen!

 

- Come here.
- I'm sorry, I guess

 

you astray me when you borrowed
that copy of Heat.

 

Oh God, it's true,

 

it's true, I'm gay!

 

I'm a gay man!
I tried to run from it tonight

 

but I can't, I can't!

 

Jen, what am I gonna do?

 

I thought
I could make it work between us,

 

because you looked a bit like a man!

 

Taxi!

 

Hello, there.

 

I didn't see you on the way out.

 

All right, lads!
Let's get a sing song coming!

 

It's a long way back to Manchester!

 

- 'Night, Steve.
- 'Night, Moss.

 

- 'Night Melly, you be good!
- Mind if I can't help it.

 

Ah, the theatre....